Tell Me More

The above three words have become one of my most trusted scripts when navigating tricky conversations.

For those of you familiar with the enneagram, I am a classic seven. Sevens are known as “the enthusiast,” and sevens typically would rather avoid conflict, distract others from conflict, or immediately spin the “hard part” into something more hopeful and manageable.  Because I know this for myself, I decided to create easy scripts to memorize and use when challenges arise.

In my work as an advocate and inclusion consultant, challenging conversations have marked most of my work this year.  Three simple words, “tell me more,” have become my go-to script when I am feeling challenged by the opinion or viewpoint of another individual.  “Tell me more” leaves room for someone else to feel completely heard.  “Tell me more” is an invitation, rather than an instant withdrawal.  “Tell me more” allows breath in the conversation.  “Tell me more” encourages forward motion, and it holds space for the other person.

It is easy, and often our first impulse to want to be “right.”  Many of us would rather run, arms flailing, from confrontation of any sort.  But I challenge you to lean in and seek to understand those who have differing opinions.  Does this mean to let yourself get trampled on?  No. Does this mean to entertain all types of confrontation or be an instigator?  Nope.  But it does mean initially giving someone who is seeking to build a better world, like you are, the benefit of the doubt.  Give yourself and the one you are chatting with the space for a deep breath, give them the space to tell you more. 



“Tell me more” is an invitation, rather than an instant withdrawal.