2020: grief and guts

If you’re looking for a blog post that ties 2020 up with a velvet bow…keep looking, my friends.

This year has tested every single one of us. Everyone from healthcare workers to grandparents to teachers to artists have felt the gut-punch of 2020. Usually, I take a few days at the end of each year to reflect, set goals, and celebrate “wins” from the year. But don’t you worry, you will not find a list of “Badass 2020 Accomplishments Amidst a Global Pandemic” in this post. This year, I find myself rather depleted and filled with grief (yes, even optimists grieve hard). As I attempt to reflect on the year, two dominant words come to mind: grief and guts.

Whether I like it or not, grief has followed me from March until right this very moment. And grief is a sneaky little thing…it finds a way into my cubicle, my neighborhood walks, and it can even strike while I wait for the traffic light to change. Grief doesn’t care where you are or what you’re doing. As an optimist, I struggle giving grief the seat at the table it deserves. I want to send it out of the room with a “glass half full”-ism. Artists’ lives have been completely flipped upside down this year…so of COURSE grief continues to roll in…and I believe it will continue to do so, if we allow it the space to move through us. This year has been marked by grief, and it has taught me that grief can be tolerated. Grief has a rise and fall to it.

This year has also been marked by more gutsiness than ever. So many of my fellow artists have exemplified true gutsiness by pivoting during this pandemic…finding new ways to use their talents…be that in a virtual space, in a “desk job,” back in a university classroom, or in a brand new business venture. Think about the gutsiness of healthcare workers. Think about the gutsiness of individuals in recovery. Quite frankly, each day has required small acts of gutsiness for us to continue persevering this year. Getting to the end of this year has taken some degree of guts, tenacity, and courage. If you’re reading this, I wish I could hug you and give you a blue ribbon for getting to December 29th.

Good old Daniel Tiger (a bud of Mr. Rogers) teaches kids that “Sometimes, you feel two feelings at the same time, and thats okay.” This year has solidified this truth…that we can hold two true, seemingly opposite feelings or ideas and live to tell the tale. 2020, you’ve shown me the grief and guts can coexist. I thank you for the lessons you’ve taught me…AND I happily bid you farewell!